The Ferengi Rules of Aquisition

The Ferengi Rules of Aquisition

1. Once you have their money, you never give it back. [Rom, "The Nagus"]

3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to. [Quark, "The Maquis Part II"]

6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. [Zek, "The Nagus"]

7. Keep your ears open. [Odo, "Hands of the Prophet"]

8. Small print leads to large risk. [TRFA, pg. 6]

9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. [Nog, "The Storyteller"]

10. Greed is eternal. [Quark, "Prophet Motive"]

13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money. [TRFA, pg. 9]

16. A deal is a deal ...until a better one comes along. [Quark, "Melora"]

18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. [Ben Sisko & Nog, "Heart of Stone"]

19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed. [TRFA, pg. 12]

21. Never place friendship above profit. [Quark, "Rules of Acquisition"]

22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind. [Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]

27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman. [TRFA, pg. 16]

31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother. [Quark, "The Siege"]

33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss. [Quark & Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]

34. War is good for business. [Quark & Dax, "Destiny"]

35. Peace is good for business. [Quark & Dax, "Destiny"]

40. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum. [TRFA, pg. 23]

41. Profit is its own reward. [TRFA, pg. 24]

44. Never confuse wisdom with luck. [TRFA, pg. 25]

47. Never trust anyone whose suit is nicer than your own. [Quark, "Rivals"]

48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. [Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]

52. Never ask when you can take. [TRFA, pg. 28]

57. Good customers are as rare as latinum, treasure them. [Quark, "Armageddon Game"]

58. There is no substitute for success. [TRFA, pg. 30]

59. Free advice is seldom cheap. [Quark, "Rules of Acquisition"]

60. Keep your lies consistent. [TRFA, pg. 33]

62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit. [Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]

65. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff. [TRFA, pg. 36]

75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum. [Quark, "Civil Defense"]

76. Every once in a while declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies. [Quark, "The Homecoming"]

79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge. [TRFA, pg. 41]

82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price. [TRFA, pg. 42]

85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking. [TRFA, pg. 43]

89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits. [TRFA, pg. 44]

94. Females and finances don't mix. [TRFA, pg. 46]

97. Enough...is never enough. [TRFA, pg. 47]

99. Trust is the biggest liability of all. [TRFA, pg. 48]

102. Nature decays, latinum last forever. [Quark & Nog, "The Jem'Hadar"]

103. Sleep can interfere .... [cut off] [Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"]

104. Faith moves mountains...of inventory. [TRFA, pg. 50]

106. There is no honor in poverty. [TRFA, pg. 51]

109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. [Quark, "Rivals"]

111. Treat people in your debt like family. Exploit them. [Ben Sisko, "Past Tense, Part I"]

112. Never have sex with the boss's sister. [Quark, "Playing God"]

113. Always have sex with the boss. [TRFA, pg. 56]

121. Everything is for sale, including friendship. [TRFA, pg. 58]

123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum. [TRFA, pg. 59]

139. Wives serve, brothers inherit. [Odo, "Necessary Evil"]

141. Only fools pay retail. [TRFA, pg. 61]

144. There's nothing wrong with charity...as long as it winds up in your pocket. [TRFA, pg. 62]

162. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit. [TRFA, pg. 63]

177. Know your enemies...but do business with them always. [TRFA, pg. 64]

181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit. [TRFA, pg. 65]

189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money. [TRFA, pg. 66]

190. Hear all, trust nothing. [Ben Sisko & Nog, "A Call to Arms"]

192. Never cheat a Klingon...unless you're sure you can get away with it. [TRFA, pg. 67]

194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door. [Quark, "Whispers"]

202. The justification of profit is profit. [TRFA, pg. 69]

203. New customers are like razor toothed gree worms, they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back. [Rom, "Little Green Men"]

208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.  [Zek, "Ferengi Love Songs"]

211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder to success. Don't hesitate to step on them. [Frool, "The Bar Association"]

214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach. [Quark, "The Maquis Part I"]

217. You can't free a fish from water. [Quark, "Past Tense, Part I"]

218. Always know what you're buying. [TRFA, pg. 71]

223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox. [TRFA, pg. 72]

229. Latinum lasts longer than lust. [TRFA, pg. 74]

236. You can't buy fate. [TRFA, pg. 75]

239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product. [Grand Nagus Gint, "Body Parts"]

242. More is good...all is better. [TRFA, pg. 76]

255. A wife is a luxury...a smart accountant a necessity. [TRFA, pg. 77]

261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience. [TRFA, pg. 78]

263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum. [Rom, "The Bar Association"]

266. When in doubt, lie. [TRFA, pg. 79]

284. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi. [TRFA, pg. 80]

285. No good deed ever goes unpunished. [Quark, "The Collaborator"]

Revised Rules of Acquisition:

1. If they want their money back, give it to them. [Quark, "Prophet Motive"]

10. Greed is dead. [Quark, "Prophet Motive"]

21. Never place profit before friendship. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]

22. Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]

23. Money can never replace dignity. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]

285. A good deed is its own reward. [Rom, "Prophet Motive"]