The other day, Keri gave me a little book and told me she thought I would enjoy reading it.
Just looking at the title I agreed.
The book is called, Why We'll Never Understand Each Other by Wiley Miller.
Here are a few of the funniest bits:
Dating Process:
What She Heard... Man: "Time to go trash the next 6 months of your life, then whine about how you can't meet any nice guys."
What He Said...Man: "Hi."
What He Heard...Woman: "Pretend you're going to the restroom, sneak out the back door and run as fast as you can."
What She Said...Woman: "Yes, I do have kids."
What He Heard...Woman: "Oh, you are Soooo HOT! You're mine tonight, baby..."
What She Said...Woman: (to another woman) "I didn't say anything...I just smiled because he reminds me of my grandfather."
Moving Ahead in the Relationship:
What She Heard...Man: "You can stop starving yourself and eat like a normal person now."
What He Said...Man: "Will you marry me?"
Getting Married:
What He Heard...Woman: "Your right to independent thought and ability to form an opinion has been revoked."
What She Said...Woman: "I do."
Marriage:
What He Heard...Woman: "Honey...Why don't you put your head in a vise and I'll turn the handle until your skull explodes?"
What She Said...Woman: "Honey...Why don't we turn off the tv and just talk?"
What She Heard...Man: "Life as we know it will cease to exist unless you can alter the space-time continuum!"
What He Said...Man: "Honey...Are you almost ready yet?"
What He Heard...Woman: "I'm going to make you wish you were dead for the rest of the week."
What She Said...Woman: "Tell me the truth, Honey...Do I look fat in this?"
What She Heard...Man: "Anything less than absolute perfection makes you an utter failure as a wife and mother."
What He Said...Man: "Mom is coming over for dinner."
What Josh Heard...Keri: " You're Way too stupid to be trusted driving alone in bad weather."
What Keri Said...Keri: "Drive carefully, dear."
What She Heard...Man: "It's your lot in life to stop whatever it is you're doing in order to serve my every need!"
What He Said...Man: "Honey...Do you know if we have anymore triple-A batteries?"
What He Heard...Woman: "Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me pay attention to me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me are you listening to me?"
What She Said...Woman: "Is there anything other than basketball on tv tonight?"
What She Heard...Man: "You don't expect me to take care of the kids, clean the house, and make dinner, do you?"
What He Said...Man: "Feeling any better, honey?"
What He Heard...Woman: "We're gonna do it my way, dear."
What She Said...Woman: "What do you think, dear?"
What She Heard...Man: "Most of the time you look old and fat."
What He Said...Man: "You look pretty tonight, honey..."
What He Heard...Woman: "Let's go drain the life-force from your body."
What She Said...Woman: "Let's go shopping!"
What He Heard...Woman: "This is a test. One wrong answer may be your last!"
What She Said...Woman: "Tell me all the reasons why you love me."
Hope you enjoyed these!!
Just looking at the title I agreed.
The book is called, Why We'll Never Understand Each Other by Wiley Miller.
Here are a few of the funniest bits:
Dating Process:
What She Heard... Man: "Time to go trash the next 6 months of your life, then whine about how you can't meet any nice guys."
What He Said...Man: "Hi."
What He Heard...Woman: "Pretend you're going to the restroom, sneak out the back door and run as fast as you can."
What She Said...Woman: "Yes, I do have kids."
What He Heard...Woman: "Oh, you are Soooo HOT! You're mine tonight, baby..."
What She Said...Woman: (to another woman) "I didn't say anything...I just smiled because he reminds me of my grandfather."
Moving Ahead in the Relationship:
What She Heard...Man: "You can stop starving yourself and eat like a normal person now."
What He Said...Man: "Will you marry me?"
Getting Married:
What He Heard...Woman: "Your right to independent thought and ability to form an opinion has been revoked."
What She Said...Woman: "I do."
Marriage:
What He Heard...Woman: "Honey...Why don't you put your head in a vise and I'll turn the handle until your skull explodes?"
What She Said...Woman: "Honey...Why don't we turn off the tv and just talk?"
What She Heard...Man: "Life as we know it will cease to exist unless you can alter the space-time continuum!"
What He Said...Man: "Honey...Are you almost ready yet?"
What He Heard...Woman: "I'm going to make you wish you were dead for the rest of the week."
What She Said...Woman: "Tell me the truth, Honey...Do I look fat in this?"
What She Heard...Man: "Anything less than absolute perfection makes you an utter failure as a wife and mother."
What He Said...Man: "Mom is coming over for dinner."
What Josh Heard...Keri: " You're Way too stupid to be trusted driving alone in bad weather."
What Keri Said...Keri: "Drive carefully, dear."
What She Heard...Man: "It's your lot in life to stop whatever it is you're doing in order to serve my every need!"
What He Said...Man: "Honey...Do you know if we have anymore triple-A batteries?"
What He Heard...Woman: "Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me pay attention to me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me are you listening to me?"
What She Said...Woman: "Is there anything other than basketball on tv tonight?"
What She Heard...Man: "You don't expect me to take care of the kids, clean the house, and make dinner, do you?"
What He Said...Man: "Feeling any better, honey?"
What He Heard...Woman: "We're gonna do it my way, dear."
What She Said...Woman: "What do you think, dear?"
What She Heard...Man: "Most of the time you look old and fat."
What He Said...Man: "You look pretty tonight, honey..."
What He Heard...Woman: "Let's go drain the life-force from your body."
What She Said...Woman: "Let's go shopping!"
What He Heard...Woman: "This is a test. One wrong answer may be your last!"
What She Said...Woman: "Tell me all the reasons why you love me."
Hope you enjoyed these!!
No comments:
Post a Comment