Some Thoughts From Andy Rooney

"I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENNG MARTHA BURKE?
I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.
I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discrimnatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.
I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.
When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.
I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I recieved sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!
I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! AS a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!
My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry self if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.
I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.
I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.
We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro-wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.
I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.
I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.
It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"
I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me french fries!
I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African Americans?" Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else."

Good food for thought.

Something Funny I Read...Spoiler Alert!

The other day, Keri gave me a little book and told me she thought I would enjoy reading it.
Just looking at the title I agreed.
The book is called, Why We'll Never Understand Each Other by Wiley Miller.
Here are a few of the funniest bits:
Dating Process:
What She Heard... Man: "Time to go trash the next 6 months of your life, then whine about how you can't meet any nice guys."
What He Said...Man: "Hi."

What He Heard...Woman: "Pretend you're going to the restroom, sneak out the back door and run as fast as you can."
What She Said...Woman: "Yes, I do have kids."

What He Heard...Woman: "Oh, you are Soooo HOT! You're mine tonight, baby..."
What She Said...Woman: (to another woman) "I didn't say anything...I just smiled because he reminds me of my grandfather."

Moving Ahead in the Relationship:
What She Heard...Man: "You can stop starving yourself and eat like a normal person now."
What He Said...Man: "Will you marry me?"

Getting Married:
What He Heard...Woman: "Your right to independent thought and ability to form an opinion has been revoked."
What She Said...Woman: "I do."

Marriage:
What He Heard...Woman: "Honey...Why don't you put your head in a vise and I'll turn the handle until your skull explodes?"
What She Said...Woman: "Honey...Why don't we turn off the tv and just talk?"

What She Heard...Man: "Life as we know it will cease to exist unless you can alter the space-time continuum!"
What He Said...Man: "Honey...Are you almost ready yet?"

What He Heard...Woman: "I'm going to make you wish you were dead for the rest of the week."
What She Said...Woman: "Tell me the truth, Honey...Do I look fat in this?"

What She Heard...Man: "Anything less than absolute perfection makes you an utter failure as a wife and mother."
What He Said...Man: "Mom is coming over for dinner."

What Josh Heard...Keri: " You're Way too stupid to be trusted driving alone in bad weather."
What Keri Said...Keri: "Drive carefully, dear."

What She Heard...Man: "It's your lot in life to stop whatever it is you're doing in order to serve my every need!"
What He Said...Man: "Honey...Do you know if we have anymore triple-A batteries?"

What He Heard...Woman: "Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me pay attention to me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me are you listening to me?"
What She Said...Woman: "Is there anything other than basketball on tv tonight?"

What She Heard...Man: "You don't expect me to take care of the kids, clean the house, and make dinner, do you?"
What He Said...Man: "Feeling any better, honey?"

What He Heard...Woman: "We're gonna do it my way, dear."
What She Said...Woman: "What do you think, dear?"

What She Heard...Man: "Most of the time you look old and fat."
What He Said...Man: "You look pretty tonight, honey..."

What He Heard...Woman: "Let's go drain the life-force from your body."
What She Said...Woman: "Let's go shopping!"

What He Heard...Woman: "This is a test. One wrong answer may be your last!"
What She Said...Woman: "Tell me all the reasons why you love me."

Hope you enjoyed these!!

I just don't get it...

I was just visited by a couple ladies who wanted to talk to me about Jehovah and his coming.
Personally, I don't mind talking about the Bible with people, but when you make a statement, that you just read from the Bible, and they say that those verses either aren't in the true Bible or mean something WAY off, and you try to correct them by showing them in the Bible and they don't want to look since the Bible they have is more true to the Word of Jehovah...well, at that point I want to shut the door in their face.
While it's true I have been "mean" on occasion to Jehovah Witnesses, that doesn't mean I don't like a good debate.
I'm slammed the door in their face when, after I have told them that my Dad was a pastor, they then asked if they could talk to me about where my Dad went wrong.
Yes, I've actually had them call me instead of coming to my door and, since I worked the graveyard shift and they had just woken me up, I asked them to call me back later. They said sure and I gave them a number to call. Of course it was the landline number for the 9-1-1 Dispatcher, but that's what they get for being lazy and calling instead of coming to the door.
I've invited them in once, when we had just sat down for dinner, and they could see that through the kitchen window, yet they still knocked on the door to interrupt our dinner. But I invited them in and asked if they wanted to join us to celebrate my Mom's birthday and then I told them that we liked to say the Pledge of Allegiance at the beginning of every meal. They said no thanks and walked away.
However, I will say that I have enjoyed the few times where someone has come to my door and actually stayed there having a wonderful debate with both of us opening our own Bibles and showing off scripture to each other.
I have no idea if anything came of that debate in his life, but I do know now how their views are different than mine.
Once I even had two men come to my door and want to tell me about how it actually says in the Bible that we should be worshipping God the Mother!
Really?
I asked them if they were mistaken as I have read through the Bible and have never come across that phrase and they said they were not mistaken.
I was going to ask them for proof, but all they had were those handy-dandy little pamphlets.
Dude, if you're going to make a statement like that you need to bring more than a pamphlet!
I'm saying all this to not only vent, but to also say that if you have questions or just want a good debate over something as profound and life-altering as God, life-n-death, heaven or hell, or any other topic involving theology or philosophy...just ask.
I love a good debate as long as you understand that if things get too heated, it's okay to back-off in order to cool down.
You should know how to reach me by now, so if you ever want to talk, let me know.
Looking forward to hearing from you!

It's Interesting...

 A little while back I posted a blog about how Facebook is always UP and peoples statuses rarely mention anything DOWN.
Almost like they are afraid people won't be their friend anymore if they were to post negative things.
The problem with that, as I've said before, is that we, the friends, can't offer help, advice, money, clothes, or anything else if we don't know that it's needed.
In my blog I mentioned that since I don't have a job, that I'm available to help out as long as I'm not doing anything else (which I rarely am).
Since I posted that I haven't been contacted by anyone outside of my sister-in-law.
It's not that I expect people to swarm me with requests for help, but I do read peoples statuses and I do see the need and I've even offered a couple of times.
To no avail.
Until today.
I was in the Library at California Baptist University and had already applied at a couple of jobs when I was contacted by a friend who asked if it would be okay for me to watch her daughter while she went to a meeting real quick.
I said no problem.
Strange thing is she then apologized for the sudden request and she kept apologizing when she found out the meeting was going to be longer than expected.
She continued the apologies even after the meeting when she came to get her little girl.
I tried to make sure she knew it was no problem, but she still felt she needed to apologize.
I don't mean to put her on the spot, which is why I'm not mentioning her name, but why did she need to apologize?
She asked, I said yes, I said no problem.
Why is it that we as a people are so loathe to ask for help and then when we do, we apologize for doing so?
Especially if you are a member of the family of God, there should be NO reason to apologize for seeking out a friends help.
I meant it when I said I will help whenever I can. Tomorrow I'm babysitting my neice and nephew in the afternoon, and, providing I still don't have a job or interview, I'll be babysitting them all day on Tuesday.
No problem.
Folks, I'm here to help.
If that means I babysit, so be it..
If you need help around the house, let me know and I'll be there.
Housework, yardwork, babysitting, going shopping for you (though that would entail using your money as I have none), or maybe your car is broken down and you need to get somewhere...I'm available.
If you are too far away, do you need to just talk or vent or need someone to pray with or for you, you can get a hold of me on Facebook, email, or phone.
Granted I may be already booked or busy when you need me, but that doesn't mean that you should stop asking.
If I can't help out the first time you need me, please don't hesitate to ask for me the next time.
Facebook is meant to help bring people together and I'm using it for that purpose.
I'm your friend.
Let me be there for you.